10 Life Lessons from My Research

Over the past few years, my research has taught me many things. What struck me most were the people I encountered who had a keen sense of identity, even in the face of uncertainty. It made them resilient after defeat and steady at the crossroads. They taught me so much about life. In reflecting on 2020, it seemed like a good idea to share some of the lessons I’ve learned.

What I’ve learned…

1. Most people want to live meaningful lives but struggle to define what that really means for themselves. This causes them to feel like something is missing, that they are falling behind.

2. Anyone can achieve an extraordinary life if they are willing to suffer the humility of a new learning curve. People who commit to learning are vibrant human beings. As such, they attract opportunity and deeper connections with others.

3. Most happiness stems from having realistic expectations about life. While BHAGs (big, hairy, audacious goals) are alluring — dazzling in the distance, up close they can overwhelm us. Those who believe in the promise of the new day — sharing a hot meal, the soft kiss, the friendly greeting, or the grace of forgiveness — consistently feel better.

4. Much of our discontent stems from believing we can resolve life’s uncertainties. Uncertainty is not always something to be confronted; more often it’s just part of life.

5. Facing a crossroads is becoming a more frequent occurrence in contemporary life. These plot twists shape us in powerful ways when we are willing to suffer the uncertainty that goes with them.

6. Our obsession with motivation has kept us very busy, but it hasn’t taught us how to endure painfully discouraging experiences and still keep going. Motivation just helps us start things. It doesn’t help us finish things.

8. Resilient people use the environment they are in now, no matter how unfavorable, to the develop the skills they need for where they’re headed.

9. People with the most confidence have faced their weaknesses.

10. Most goals are tactical, but setting purpose goals are more dynamic, enduring, and ultimately soul shaping. People who set purpose goals live richer, more satisfying lives. My purpose goal this year? Stay curious.